That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
