i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My vagina is officially offended.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
