Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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