Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
