Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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