we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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