White coat. Heels.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
