I puked a lego.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
