they need to just BURY HIM!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
