i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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