Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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