So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
