My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
