He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
