like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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