I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
