Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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