You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
