Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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