he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
