I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
