I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
