My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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