I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
