No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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