new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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