forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
