If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
