you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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