my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
