problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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