M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
