Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
