Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
