if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found a bag of teeth...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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