Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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