then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i think i have herpe
just one?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
