i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
