Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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