what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
