One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
