just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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