well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Small penises have feelings too.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
