lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
