I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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