I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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