These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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