I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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