No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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