She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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