You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
