Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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