She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
