Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
