You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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