I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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