using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
