So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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