is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
