Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
