Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
