i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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