we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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