I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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