Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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