I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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