you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
