Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
