i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
