You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
