I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
