i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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