I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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