I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
