I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to have your abortion
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
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I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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