I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Are we still banned from the library?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
