my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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