I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
