I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
