The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I intend to get homeless drunk
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
