no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
