You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
