i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
