Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
