Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your shirt... Was in my pants
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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