the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
