I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
