How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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