the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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