Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
