Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
