This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
