my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i love accidental penises.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Damn victory sex feels great
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
