Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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